Song Description

The best darn 2nd grade nun on the planet

Lyrics

Sister Catherine Claire
First day second grade September
In the schoolyard I remember
Coming off a first-grade nun
Who'd have given Stalin quite a run

The new nun we'd heard transferred in
Had maimed a kid in Maryland
The bell rang and our Pavlov minds
Made pristine single-gender lines.

When she came out, my heart went wild
I swear to God I thought she smiled
And Ellen said, "It's just a trap
She'll hit the kid that smiles back."

She led us to our Pine-Solled class
And three kids up I heard a gasp
The desks were put in sets of twos
A sight unseen in Catholic schools

She took out her guitar and led us in some Kumbaya and then
Another song about world peace she said by some guy called John Lennon

And oh thus began the sweetest year I know of bliss and beauty
And laughter allowed in the air
30 eight-year-olds and the coolest nun on the whole darn planet
Angel dressed in polyester navy blue
Sister Catherine Claire.

Her candy jar was always stocked
Her holy-card collection rocked
She had the really gory ones
Like Vincent lanced and Stephen stoned
The eighth-grade boys were so in awe
When she beat each one in basketball
And that spring to Father Joe's elation
16 boys claimed a vocation

She read us tales of Narnia and saved us from the Reverend Mother
And when our turn came to plan the mass, She taught us the rock and roll Our
Father

And oh what a year the sweetest year I know of bliss and beauty
And laughter allowed in the air
And if Jesus had come back then well his bachelor days
Would have sure been numbered
Cause he'd fall in love just like us all
With Sister Catherine Claire

Even such love couldn't cure
The hell they drew in Baltimore
It got too much I fell away
My mom says I'll return someday

Perhaps these wounds will be healed yet
With Catherine's and Bernadette's
And brother Mark's and those hell-bent
On teaching what real Good News meant

And prodigal as I might be I'll come back to the banquet when
The white smoke rises over Rome and they declare Pope Catherine

And oh what a day the sweetest day I'll know of bliss and beauty
And laughter allowed in the air
And if heaven holds a candle to that class well sign me up
Cause I know who'll I'll be seeing there,
Sister Catherine Claire