Lyrics

Verse 1:
In those business classes I took as a student
I was taught to save most of my pay
And invest it in assets believed to be prudent
Like a CD and 401(k)
But since you left me my darling, I've turned all of my holdings
Over to a new management team
The entire amount
Has been placed on account
With Daniels, Walker and Beam

Verse 2:
I was planning a glorious future together
With a nest egg to keep you secure
But then you met someone I guess you loved better
Now I don't need a nest egg no more
But I'm receiving returns of a kind you can't get
From no Ponzi or pyramid scheme
You broke this poor heart of mine
but I'm feeling just fine
Thanks to Daniels, Walker And Beam
Bridge:
Mr. Beam's quite a fellow
He's strong, but he's mellow
And Mr. Daniels' friends all call him Jack
While Mr. Walker determines
The extent that your earnings
Will end up in the red or the black

Verse 3:
Now I know past performance is no guarantee
Of future investment returns
But whenever I need them, they've been right there for me
To help me deal with my going concerns
Today they'll join me at lunch
But I've got a hunch
They'll still be there at the dawn's early gleam
And when they cart me away
I'll just have one thing to say
Thank you Daniels, Walker and Beam

Yes if you're in a pinch
Well just forget Merrill Lynch
And go with Daniels, Walker And Beam