Story Behind The Song

FIFTH SONG IN ALBUM CALLED "SONG AND DANCE".

Song Description

DESCRIBES THE DISASTERS THAT OCCUR BECAUSE OF HIS OFF-KEY SINGING.

Lyrics

I CAN?T CARRY A TUNE

I CAN?T CARRY A TUNE.
I JUST CAN?T CARRY A TUNE.
IT?S CLEAR IN MY HEAD THE WAY IT SHOULD SOUND.
IT?S HERE IN MY HEAD SO MELLOW AND ROUND
BUT WHEN A OPEN UP MY YAP, I?M LIKE A CAPTURED BABOON.
I JUST CAN?T CARRY A TUNE.

IT ALL BEGAN THAT FATAL NATAL MORN,
THE MORNING I WAS BORN.
I BROUGHT ALONG A BRAND NEW NOTE.
THE OBSTETRITION SLAPPED ME ON THE REAR.
I SANG OUT LOUD AND CLEAR.
NOW HE?S IN "EYE, EAR, NOSE AND THROAT".
AND THEN WE FOUND IT HARD TO KEEP A NURSE.
EACH TIME THAT I?D REHEARSE,
THE STAFF WOULD "TWENTY THREE SKIDOO".
BUT I RECALL THE TIME THAT REALLY HURT,
THE TUIME THAT MOM AND DAD LEFT TOO.

I CAN?T CARRY A TUNE,
THE SIMPLEST SORT OF A TUNE.
I PRACTICE AND SWEAT WHEN I?M HOME ALONE.
I?M TRYING TO GET A NICE MONOTONE.
WHY DOES IT SOUND LIKE THERE?S A FIRE ANT IN MY PANTALOON?
I JUST CAN?T CARRY A TUNE.

WHEN I WAS TEN I THOUGHT I?D SING IN CHURCH,
IT SEEMED THE THING IN CHURCH.
THAT?S WHEN THE EXODUS BEGAN.
THE CONGREGATION RUSHED TO GET AWAY.
I HEARD THE OTHER DAY
THEY TURNED ZEN BUDDHIST TO A MAN.
I FOUND A JOB THAT PROVED MY PERFECT NICHE.
MY LESS THAN PERFECT PITCH BECAME A BLESSING NOT A FAULT.
WHILE DRIVING FIRE TRUCKS MY FORTISSIMO
WOULD BRING ALL TRAFFIC TO A HALT.

I CAN?T CARRY A TUNE.
I EVEN COUGH OUT OF TUNE.
MY BIRD?S VOICE WAS STRONG. HE SANG LIKE A FLUTE.
I HUMMED HIM A SONG. SINCE THEN HE?S BEEN MUTE.
WHY MUST I SOUND LIKE DONKEYS BRAYING OR A PUNCTURED BALLOON?
I JUST CAN?T CARRY A TUNE.

I FOUND THE WAY TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE THRIVE,
TO KEEP MY LOVE ALIVE, I SIMPLY SHUT UP LIKE A CLAM.
I SANG HER "HAPPY BIRTHDAY" AS A JOKE.
THE POOR GIRL HAD A STROKE.
I SHOULD HAVE SENT A TELEGRAM.

THE DAY I DIE, I WON?T BE LONG IN HELL.
I?LL SING MY SONG IN HELL.
I?LL TEAR THE WHOLE DAMNED PLACE APART.
THEN I?LL BE SENT UP TO THAT HEAVENLY CHOIR.
THEY?LL HEAR THE NOTES WITHIN MY HEART.

THEN I?LL CARRY A TUNE.
HOW GLORIOUSLY I WILL CROON.
THE NOTES WILL FLOAT OUT LIKE GOSSAMER THREAD.
I MIGHT EVEN SHOUT, "IT?S GREAT TO BE DEAD".
BUT DOWN ON EARTH YOU STILL WILL WONDER
WHEN YOU HEAR THE THUNDERING CRASH OF A TYPHOON.
YOU MAY SAY, "GEE HE STILL CAN?T CARRY A TUNE".