BEHOLD!

MINIONS!

I AM EVIL ROBOT MONKEY. I COME FROM SPACE, BITCHES, AND I CHOOSE YOUR PLANET TO BE THE BIRTHPLACE FOR MY COMPLETE AND UNRELENTING DOMINATION. METAL DOMINATION!!! PUNY EARTHLINGS OF SMALL STATURE MIGHT AS WELL HOLD HANDS AND JUMP OFF THE NEAREST CLIFF BECAUSE IT WON'T BE PRETTY FOR YOU WEE ONES, THAT'S FOR GODDAMN SURE. I EXPECT THE REST OF YOU TO PUT UP A DECENT FIGHT.

SOME NOTES: I SHOULD BE ADDRESSED AS 'SIR'. ALWAYS. IF WE GET TO BE FRIENDS, YOU MAY ADDRESS ME BY MY GIVEN NAME, METAL MONKEYFACE. 'EVIL ROBOT MONKEY' IS FOR WHEN I'M ON THE CLOCK. DO ROBOT MONKEYS LIKE BANANAS, YOU ASK? THE ANSWER: HELL YES AND LOTS OF THEM. I AM SEEKING TOTAL DOMINATION WITH MAXIMUM DESTRUCTION. BOARDING UP YOUR WINDOWS IS ONLY GOING TO MAKE ME MAD. DON'T DO THIS. ONLY THOSE HUMANS WHO DISPLAY CONSUMMATE AWESOME ROCKING CAN BE MY ALLY. DON'T TRY FAKING IT BECAUSE I HAVE MANY DEVICES WITH COLORFUL BUTTONS AND FLASHING DIALS TO MEASURE THIS. DON'T JUST ROLL UP. THERE. THAT ABOUT COVERS IT. NOW PREPARE FOR MY COMING!!!