Story Behind The Song

Attack of the White Trash Pagans tells the story of a lost traveler trying to buy weed in white trash area of northern California. Turns into a comical version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Song Description

Attack of the White Trash Pagans tells the story of a lost traveler trying to buy weed in white trash area of northern California. Turns into a comical version of Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Lyrics

Attack of the White Trash Pagans
Written by Mike McHugh

well i woke up in the morning by the middle of a creekside
my pants were on backwards and my shoes were both untied
my hands were cut and bloody
sweater filled with sticks and my hair was cold and muddy
tried to piece it all together it was hard to remember
cuz the harder i tried my brain would cry, skull was fried
sensing danger
i figured i'd better leave there
straightened my pants, tied my shoes, bones were loose
started in a run by the morning sun
memories flooded back that the night before had started fun
before the guns and fires
and meth addicts with strange desires
trusted liar
american river funeral pyre
don't go out that way
well i found a bar in the middle of new nowhere
i'd taken route 5 for as long as i could keep clear
the ramp was dark and shady
but i was off the freeway and was frankly feeling happy
so i asked the bartender would you hook me with another
of a beer and tequila and speaking of marijuana
do you know a dealer where i'd find a quarter
heading through the redwoods
could use a little head food
then he said that he could help me
i was so happy that i tipped him money money
he said give me a minute, then we jumped in his ford pick-up
tore up seats, 8 track and a gun rack
up a dirt road, down a dirt road
i asked how many more roads he said that we were real close
and that I should not worry
cuz to the stars there is no worry
to the moon there is no worry
to the dark there is no worry
so i started to get worried
because he started to get scary
as his voice was getting heavy
and the fog was getting heavier
don't go out that way
well i told the man no longer need the marijuana
i could catch up with my friend who lives up by eureka
and i'd pay his time and i'd pay him for his effort
he laughed at my offer and drew a pistol from his shirt
i took a deep breath, and then i took another
i knew that i was bum fucked in the middle of new nowhere
then we came upon a trailer park
with christmas lights dangling, cats mangy scurried in the dark
i double checked my eyes as i was gazing at the middle
of a huge bonfire white trash pagan ritual
shot gun miller light, throw the cans in the blaze
blasting lynyrd skynard cuz this bird will never change
so i hummed the melody hoping it would calm me
imagining the happy place where that bird flew freely
but that did not last long as they dragged me from the truck
creepy little kids who blankly grinned and felt my body up
engulfed by half wits who crawled on me like spiders
with greasy little hands and dirty little fingers
then my burly chauffer said i wanted reefer
erupting in their laughter as they tied me up for capture
don't go out that way
i was beside myself with fear and grief
and then from the crowd came a six-toothed meth freak
who said that she wanted to have some fun with me a while
everybody listened cuz she was the high pagan's child
he gave permission, then she took me around the way
they anounced my sacrifice before the new day
A guard walked us out to a meadow by the river
i knew what she wanted, my only hope was to deliver
so i thought of another, while i hit it like no other
getting super freaky, getting closer to the water
the excitement built, the guard looked on
i could tell this pagan princess was just about to come
so i played the timing, making sure i held strong
rolled us a little closer to the rapids raging down
i grabbed a stone, threw it at the guard's head
tossed the skinny bitch by the side of the river bed
i grabbed my clothes, jumped in the river's flow
thrown against the rocks and washed up a couple miles below
don't go out that way
outtro chant
Attack of the White Trash Pagans, Page